ELECTRIC SHEEP

Take on the Fake Nerd Girl Debate

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 08:52:45 -0800

(sorry for the flood of tmi spam earlier, I’m trying to convince a friend to read them *andrea*)

So I’m about to dive into this whole debate about fake nerd girls. I don’t think there is a such thing as a fake nerd girl. I do, however, think that there is a such thing as people calling…

I’m all for this. Can’t stand people trying to tell OTHER people to stay out of their territory. It’s almost as if human beings rely on segregation to make themselves feel better about their own life choices; if someone else you don’t respect suddenly becomes a peer of yours, what does that MEAN?!?!?

Absolutely fuck all, that’s what. #nerdsunite

demographics

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 12:45:36 -0800

pheromoneotterpops:

Things you can’t say on Twitter:

- There are healthier ways to deal with your loneliness and crippling depression than owning a bunch of cats.

- Not saying you’re lying, but I don’t think you like things in your butt as much as you’re saying.

Things you can’t say on Facebook:

- Fuck the local sports team, I hope they lose!

- Your kid is ugly and looks like an especially misshapen potato.

TRUTH

write about... when you became a US citizen, was it sad to give up your UK citizenship?

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 09:06:55 -0800

Ha, was looking for something a little less close to home, but I’ll give it a shot just for you.

Putting my paper currency where my mouth-hole is.

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 17:55:30 -0800

This new job is a blessing and a curse, much like saying Aloha(?)

I’ve exclaimed for years that I can write about anything; just gimme a topic and I’ll give you some words. But good words! I’ll give you emphatic enthusiasm mixed with informative content, just gimme a topic.

Welp, I finally got my dream job. And part of it entails maintaining the company blog. A blog about uber techy stuff that I barely comprehend. It’s dry, bland material that I am attempting to liven up and reproduce with less corporate L337 speak.

So, I would like to ask a favour of the good people of the interwebs in an attempt to hone my skills; submit to me any topic, ANY subject matter so I can write a short piece about it. You can be specific as to the tone, purpose, history, etc. It can be as ridiculous or as boring as you want, I just need a reason to force myself to get to know something well enough to write a short blog post about it.

This might be considered lazy, uninspired, or redundant. It may be. But I miss Tumblr and this gives me an excuse to bug you. So nyeh.

This is a long shot, but let’s see what happens.

Megan Amram: Corrections

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 09:28:58 -0800

Megan Amram: Corrections:

meganamram:

The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday’s paper.

We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in…

I wish all newspapers were written in LiveTweet form.

RE: Batman Begins

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 17:47:00 -0800

“In a 2012 interview, Christopher Nolan admitted that he invented the line “rub your chest, your arms will take care of themselves,” spoken by Henri Ducard/R’as Al Ghul (Liam Neeson) after Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) falls into the frozen lake, and that it has no scientific basis, adding that he imagined “Boy Scouts everywhere freezing to death” because they took the advice literally thanks to Neeson’s convincing delivery.”

…

I AM ONE OF THOSE BOY SCOUTS.

Photo

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 15:52:06 -0800

galaxyexpress: Aspiring Astronauts remain oblivious about the...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 09:59:28 -0800

galaxyexpress:

Aspiring Astronauts remain oblivious about the end of the space program.

Houston Texas, a crew of blue suited men stand looking excitedly at a rocket they’ll never fly. It’s early in 2010 and already the Olympia shuttle has taken its last ever flight before retirement. So why is it still up? “We just didn’t have the heart to tell the other astronauts.” Says senior engineer Hank Malbourough. “They have trained their whole lives for this. What do we do? Just tell them to leave?” Some in the government think that would be for the best. “These guys have physics degrees for crying out loud.” States a seemingly furious Alabama state Senator Gregory Barnes. “You’re telling me they can’t do something else? Isn’t the planet supposed to be getting hotter or something? Make them work on that!” If only it were that simple; many of these increasingly older people have training that only pertains to space travel. These people and, others like them, are the result of years of childhood conditioning that turned thousands of our young people into firemen, police officers, ballerinas and ‘army guys’. Irresponsible parents fostered these desires to such a degree that today almost every job as an astronaut, ballerina, or fireman is taken. “These are fields you just can’t break into nowadays.” Franklin Murberry, a vocational therapist who works with people dealing with the disappointment of not attaining their childhood dreams.

A condition he calls Discontentinitious. “We are seeing more and more of it these days. These poor men and women who are never going to get into space are just a small fraction of people affected by Discontentinitous.” One young woman thinking of applying to the space program who declined to comment had this to say. “My mom always said if I tried hard enough I could do anything I wanted, and if I really wanted to go into space then I would do it. Now I can see what a sham the whole thing was. I wonder sometimes if she was even my mother.” NASA officials are reeling over the bad press being generated and many feel misunderstood. “Do you have any idea how much gasoline and money it takes to shoot a person into space? And really what have we been shooting them up there for; to see how ants react to being in zero g? They are ants! They float. We were basically paying glorified lab techs to build billion dollar ant farms.” Head scientist and avid sculptor Theodore T. Barnum claims that Discontentinitous is a fictional disease like “Lime disease.” He went on to say. “You’d think I personally went over to their houses while they were sleeping and spit on their hopes and aspirations. Its not our fault people don’t care about space anymore!” The question of whether or not to tell these aspiring cosmonauts the truth is one that weighs heavily on the minds of some, who worry that eventually the astronauts may go rogue and attempt to steal the shuttles to go on some sort of crazy mission to save humanity like in that movie Armageddon. While still others seem unconcerned. “Astronauts will do pretty much whatever you tell them. In space it’s a life or death thing, so you really have to listen to the people on the ground. They will totally keep doing whatever we tell them. There has also been talk of building a ‘Sub orbital’ station that would sit just outside of our offices.”

The ‘Sub Orbital Station would consist of a grounded space station for the astronauts to occupy. The state of the art facility would come complete with stars projected on every window, cold lifeless corridors and doors that seal from the outside, giving one the impression that you really are ‘trapped in the vacuum of space.’ Is this a solution to astronaut overcrowding and dealing with a small portion of Discontentinitous sufferers? Many think so, and plans are moving ahead. “We already have more than half the thing built, the trick will just be getting the astronauts into it without letting on that they are actually still on the ground.” Says Harold Mumsen, lead designer on the project. “We are going to let them sit in the space shuttle but only for a little while. They will be blindfolded, and it will sound almost the same. They won’t ever know the difference!” Whether it fools these hopeful space walkers is still yet to be seen, but the plan will go ahead and looks to be completed around 2024.

Kristian Warburton Senior Scientific correspondent.

venomous porridge: The Unprecedented Audacity of the iBooks Author EULA

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:08:51 -0800

venomous porridge: The Unprecedented Audacity of the iBooks Author EULA:

dwineman:

Apple just released iBooks Author, a free Mac app for creating digital books for the new version of iBooks. I haven’t played with it much, but so far it looks like a very good tool. However, a curious thing happens when you go to export your work in iBooks format:

This restriction — that…

My First Novel: Part 3

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 21:27:00 -0800

My First Novel: Part 3:

So hey, yeah; I finally got around to finalising the fairly short next installment of my novel-in-progress. The next part is already in the works and will be longer, but this has been just sitting gathering dust waiting to be posted, so I decided to kick-start my motivation by submitting this excerpt to the masses for approval

dduane: If when asked a question this thing ever replies “Mu”,...

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 10:12:36 -0700

dduane:

If when asked a question this thing ever replies “Mu”, run for your life, because it’ll be hitting you with a stick next.

He has a time machine that can travel to the furthest reaches of time and space. I wouldnt be surprised if his sarcasm ignited the Big Bang.

My first Novel; Ch.2

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 12:21:10 -0700

My first Novel; Ch.2:

So here is chapter 2 of my super hero novel “Unnecessary Justice”. It’s a little rough because most of it was written with my thumbs on my lunch breaks, but you’ll get the gist.

Feel free to tell me how this makes you feel.

Tingly? Me too.

I want to be the man in the police box.

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 15:02:14 -0700

I want to be the man in the police box.

My first Novel: Chapter One

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 12:16:05 -0700

My first Novel: Chapter One:

So here’s the first chapter of what I’m gaining more confidence in calling my very first Novel. Its titled “Unnecessary Justice” and its about technology, Super Heroes, nerd-love and little people (Im still unsure if midget is P.C. or not anymore).

Please feel free to peruse and critique to your hearts content. I shan’t hold it against you.

Except YOU. I’ll definitely hold it against YOU.

citizenblue: noel just made my morning perfect This brought a...

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 10:08:15 -0700

citizenblue:

noel just made my morning perfect

This brought a tear to my belly.

Mercury Falls is now only $3.99!

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:44:37 -0700

Mercury Falls is now only $3.99!:

robkroese:

In preparation for the release of Mercury Rises, Amazon has dropped the price of Mercury Falls on Kindle to $3.99! And while you’re over there, go ahead and pre-order Mercury Rises. It’s priced at $7.99 now, but if the price drops between now and the actual release, you’ll be charged the lower price.

well, if I’d known that I would have preordered a week ago.

Little bit of audio delight, seemingly a blast from the past but...

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 07:32:30 -0700

Little bit of audio delight, seemingly a blast from the past but Ralph Fiennes gets a teeny smack down so obviously its not.

iamdonald:

We were really young once…

www.dcpierson.com

couldn't agree more. but i will anyway

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 15:01:43 -0700

barsby:

If your blog is just full of pictures and there is no trace of personality then there’s a high likelihood I don’t like it.

I was literally about to write a short blog about this topic. And I do mean literally, not the finger-quotation marks literally that I too am guilty of on far more often an occasion than I’m willing to admit.

Hear my emphasis on the first syllable, FEEL my sincerity.

Literally.

"Who needs logic when you believe in yourself?"

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 14:56:20 -0700

(I was becoming disheartened with my blogging adventures of late. This post gave me hope. Hope that I may crush all those who stand in my way.)

robkroese:

This is from a friend who is in a college-level logic class.

Assignment:

Consider an argument you have recently had with a friend, family member, manager, co-worker, or someone else. Identify the topic of the argument and present that argument in premise-conclusion form, identifying both the premises and conclusion.

Your initial post should be at least 150 words in length. Respond to at least two of your classmates’ posts by Day 7.

One student’s response:

“Peace, Professor and Class, I would like to reflect on the previous class that I had in which the Professor actually discriminated against me, he actually graded me based on ideology rather than performance. this is wrong, I gave it my all, how is this justice? Yet, I would like to say that we should never let crab like people hold us back from excelling. I was very dissatisfied about how I was graded in comparison to the other students, I mean if I received the graded I did and this is his actual system in how he grades then, no one past the course they could not have, based on my observance of there post, many wrote anything, just to get by. I wrote such an extensive report on the ‘min and Brain’ and for him to grades in the fashion that he did was just unfair. does this stop me from building my goals to become a reality, not at all, i look ta him as a individual that you could relate to Satan. He is someone who opposes me excelling, I know this. My conclusion is that in our finite Life we never allow other to be the sole controllers of our destiny, that is what i would allow him to be, if i permitted him to discourage me from excelling, and maximizing my energies in achieving my goals.”

im not sneaky

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:00:19 -0700

A long time ago, in a country about 5000 miles away, I was given a dictaphone.

It’s a small, unassuming mini tape recorder, and it almost got me expelled from secondary school (high school for my Americans).

My mum got it for me I’m pretty sure, unbeknownst to her the scholastic havoc I would wreak with it. I took it to every class and used it to perform ingenious acts of audio editing. My nefarious pranks consisted of:

Me - “Are you gay?” *pause tape*
Them - “..no?”
Me - “Do you like cheese?” *unpause tape*
Them - “uh, yes.”
Me - “heehee” *profit*

Admittedly my material was weak, but so was my child-like brain so you’ll have to forgive me. Regardless, my amateur sleuthing was to be my downfall as I found out during Welsh Language class.

The teacher, bless her misguided soul, was again screaming at us to speak better Welsh, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was far more concerned with the next witty thing I was going to whisper into my breast pocket. I was secret agent Welshman, and my mission was simple; try not to giggle.

The dictaphone whirred away softly next to my heart as I uttered hilarious false descriptions of what our teacher was doing, my unassuming classmates going about their business around me. I don’t recall what colourful lies I said about her -years of repressive guilt and/or alcohol- but needless to say I was not flattering.

At the end of the day, the hammer of justice came crashing down on me and my tape recorder in the form of one of my favourite teachers. This quirky character caught me in mid-deviousness “outing” yet another confused member of the school. He merely took the dictaphone away from me with some flair & a quip, and I assumed I’d just get it back at the end of the week.

Apparently he listened to it.

The next day, in the middle of one of my classes, the now vehemently irate Welsh Language teacher pulled me out into the hallway during one of my classes. She proceeded to yell, swear at, threaten, and flat out scare the shit out of me as she rattled on about all the legal implications I had called upon myself. She talked about the Teachers Union, the Headmaster, my parents, and anything else that might cause me extra bowel evacuation. I was like Bambi caught in the headlights of a Hummer; my head lightened and my heart sank, with my stomach caught in the middle performing backflips and roundhouse kicks inside my shaking body.

Then I realised she hadn’t heard a single thing I’d said about her on the tape.

Apparently, according to what I gleaned during my interrogation, she was all in a huff about the sheer fact that I had recorded her teaching the class; she thought I was snooping in an attempt to get her fired or something. At this point I stopped paying attention, trying instead to maintain a frightened demeanour befitting someone in my position. I knew I wouldn’t get in too much trouble for just documenting her lesson plan because, quite frankly, she was kind of a bitch.

I never found out how she missed my scathing whispers on the tape. All I can assume is that the kind-of-cool teacher who interrupted my crime spree heard my hushed remarks and decided to spare me. After I’d served my time -bit of detention- and gotten my now emotionally tarnished tape recorder back, I immediately found a secluded corner to huddle in and listened to the evidence.

Nothing but white noise.

I’m fairly certain the quirky teacher just put it in a cupboard. He probably pressed record and walked away, secure in his mind that I would get a proportionate punishment befitting the crime.

Because she was kind of a bitch.